1. What is something Mummy/Daddy always says to you?
   (Mummy) “Let’s go to the pet shop to buy some fish?”
   (Daddy) “D, can you and pick up the toys, because it’s almost bath time.”

   This is fair enough. I get home most days just before bath time, and I’m the only who gives him his bath most of the time. Last night the toys looked like two tornadoes had run through them, but most of the time the boys have gotten home only just before me, so there’s not that much to pick up.

2. What makes Mummy/Daddy happy?
   (Mummy) “Hugs & kisses.”
   (Daddy) “Tickling me.”

3. What makes Mummy/Daddy sad?
   (Mummy) “Hurting.”
   (Daddy) “Not giving him hugs.”

4. What does Mummy/Daddy make you laugh?
   (Mummy) “Tickles.”
   (Daddy) “Tickling.”

5. What was Mummy/Daddy like as a child?
   (Both) “I don’t know.”

6. How old is Mummy/Daddy?
   (Mummy) “15.”
   (Daddy) “I don’t know.”

   Not sure if my wife was happy to hear that one or not…

7. How tall is Mummy/Daddy?
   (Mummy) “This tall.” (He stood up.)
   (Daddy) “This big.” (Standing tall is what E wrote, but when D says he’s standing tall, he’s usually on tip-toes.)

8. What is Mummy/Daddy’s favourite thing to do?
   (Mummy) “Washing clothes.”
   (Daddy) “Play with blocks.”

9. If Mummy/Daddy becomes famous, what will it be for?

   D didn’t really understand this question, so she didn’t push it.

10. What is Mummy/Daddy really good at?
    (Mummy) “Hanging the clothes outside.”
    (Daddy) “Sleeping.”
11. What does Mummy/Daddy do when you’re not here?
    (Mummy) “Come find me.”
    (Daddy) “I don’t know.”

I have two sons, D (who is 3 ½ ), and M (who is 1 ½). D has always been an early talker, and now M is showing signs of being the same. For all that he’s a carbon copy of me in appearance (down to the same birthmarks), D has always been Mummy’s boy. M, on the other hand, bears no strong resemblance to me, but he’s a lot closer to me emotionally. I’m not sure how much of that is because he can’t claim his mum’s attention as much when he has to compete with his brother, and how much of it is a natural inclination, but I don’t care. He’s Daddy’s boy and I’m not going to look that gift horse in the mouth. Usually dads have to wait a lot longer to be looked up to by their sons (or so I hear).

Back to M. For the first year of his life, he rarely said the word “Mummy.” It’s not that he couldn’t or didn’t know how, he just simply refused to say it. He took to “Daddy” right away. I used to get a little smile when E would try to get him to say “Mummy” and he’d just ignore her. Then she’d prompt him to say “Daddy” and he’d say it back and then look at me. It was one of those cute things that made us smile at him and call him a cheeky bugger. We knew he’d come around eventually. And for the record, he has.

But last night, as we were putting the boys to bed, Daddy scored another one. I was in the study. Apparently, that’s when M decided to construct his first sentence. He walked around his room, then looked up at his mum and asked “Where Daddy?”

That’s my boy!

Another part of the thrust of her question was “Why do you have to raise this issue? How have you been disadvantaged by being an atheist?” Keep in mind, dear reader, that I live in Australia, which is nowhere nearly so dominated by religion-in-politics (a very deadly combination). Coming from the United States as I do, I argued that even if religion wasn’t front-and-centre in the political scene, it must be one of the silent ever-present factors determining which politicians actually get elected. In this, I was happy to be shown wrong. Bob Hawke, Prime Minister of Australia from 1983 to 1991, was an agnostic. Bill Hayden, Governor-general from 1989 to 1996, was an atheist (although in my defense, the G-G is not popularly elected, but appointed by the PM, meaning that in this case, the atheist was appointed by the agnostic).

So why then, did I feel the need to make such a big deal about atheism? It would be easy to dismiss this as a “shut up, that’s why” argument — designed to do nothing but stop the discussion there — but E- isn’t the kind of person to make those arguments. I think her question was more one of trying to understand where I’m coming from and so it warranted further thought.

The question germinated in the back of my head all week long, and I turned my motivations over in my head, examining them from all angles. I read, and thought, and read some more. Why did I care so much about atheism and religion, when it had so little immediate effect on my life?

I’ve come up with a few answers:

It does have an immediate effect in my life. Particularly when it comes to familial relationships. My family are all devout Southern Baptists (except my brother, who rebelled and became a Presbyterian). They have no knowledge of my atheism (although my brother may have a clue, and has said he’s deeply concerned), and they probably still think of me as Christian. This isn’t a huge deal, since they remain state-side, but it’s a deception, and it means that when we do talk, it has to be about non-religious topics. When you consider the fact that I’m a liberal and my family are conservatives, it doesn’t leave us with much to talk about.

E-’s parents definitely think of me as a Christian, and here the impact is much more immediate. Instead of being 26,112 km (according to google maps, who prefer kayaks to aeroplanes) away, E’s parents live a whole 3 km away. We see them on a regular basis, and this includes a bunch of their religious functions — they are largely social events, but the Christian trappings make me feel uncomfortable. At Easter, the traditional greeting is “Christ is risen,” to which you are expected to respond “Truly he is risen.” I cannot, because that would be an affirmation of something I do not believe.

I know for a fact that if I “came out” to them as an atheist, it would strain relationships all around — between them and me, and E would be caught in the middle as they’d approach her about me. That’s not something I’m willing to do, so my little charade continues for now.

But it’s going to come out one day. I will not lie to my children about my beliefs. And they will probably ask around about the same time that they start going to scripture classes (another post on this for another time). Once they ask, it will almost certainly come out somehow.

It’s late here, so I’ll post some of my other thoughts on the matter tomorrow.